Friday, January 7, 2011

Hello, Old Friend

So, the bad thing about OCD is that’s remarkably persistent. It never, ever goes away. I will never be cured. Like an addict, I will always be a person with OCD, I can only do my best to manage it. It seems I had forgotten that.

My life used to be a constant whirlwind of anxiety. It was ever present. There was never a moment when I wasn’t either feeling anxious or engaging in some destructive activity (shopping, drugs, what have you) to not have to think about being anxious for a few minutes. And then I got my diagnosis. It was one of the most important and best things that ever happened to me. Everything I was going through had a name. It had a pattern. And it had a way to cope. I gave my full attention to learning and practicing those coping mechanisms. Have you ever clicker trained an animal? It’s a lot like that.

There are weeks, sometimes even month long, stretches where I am not anxious. The periods are much shorter and the destructive behavior has been whittled down to some manageable quirks. Until recently. I had gotten so good at managing my OCD that I forgotten I had to. I thought I had a well trained, obedient Labrador Retriever. Turns out it’s more like pit-bull who can never be off leash.

The good thing about OCD is that’s remarkably consistent. Now, that I know what this is, I have the tools to fix it. Looks like it’s time to break out the clicker and the treats and get back on the program.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Things That Are Bullshit

  1. Micheal Steele
  2. People who farm in the dessert and bitch about there being no water. I'm looking at you California.
  3. My brother who voted for Bush twice, bitches about Obama and socialism. But barely lives above the poverty line. And hopes his pregnant finance can get Medicaid and is so thankful the kid will have SCHIP. YOU'RE WELCOME!!

Friday, March 20, 2009

Janus Only with Better Hair

So I find myself in a place where I am at once both looking backward and forward. As always my twin, the other half of myself is thinking the same thing. We really do share a brain.

My kid turned 12 a few months ago. I don't know how many of you remember being 12, but it's sort of a no man's land. You're not a little kid anymore, but you're not yet a teenager ready for independence. We've had some stumbles as a family lately trying to work out what the right balance of independence and parental control are. It's a fascinating experience to be on this side of the pre-teen/teen transition.

And it's got me thinking of my own self at that age. Me and the kid have had talks about what's going on in school socially. And his experience is eerily similar. So, I'm pondering if I should tell him what he's in store for.

Basically, it's gonna suck ass for the next few years. You're way more mature than your peers, and it's going to be that way at least until college. You'll make some really good friends. But, it's going to take you some time to grow into yourself and find a way of belonging. The good news is that there are bunch of folks going through the same thing. And after you guys figure yourselves out, you'll find each other. And I can assure you will grow into a wonderfully rich life full of smart, sophisticated, funny people who totally get you . And the good news is, you're going to be old a lot longer than you're going to be young. Even though it doesn't seem that way from your vantage point right now.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Why I love Emily Post

I know it’s hard to believe that someone who says fuck as much as I do gives a whit about etiquette. Yet, I do.
I know Emily Post is seen as being the ultimate in snobbery. But, nothing could be further from the truth. Emily was the highest of high society ladies. But, she married an asshole. After her fancy husband had an affair with a stripper, she got herself a divorce and a job. In 1905. Back when such things were just.not.done.
We can pretend, if we like, that America is a classless society. But, we only are kidding ourselves. Even as race, gender, and sexual identity become less and less important … class remains.
The way Emily saw it, the only thing that separated high society from the rest of us was knowing the rules. If you could know the rules of high society, anyone could join. So she wrote all the rules down. What’s more inclusive than that?
There is a growing sentiment that manners and etiquette are outdated. According to Miss Manners, “etiquette is no longer a ladder for social climbers or a bludgeon for snobs; it's a tool for transforming ourselves and our society into something nobler, by bringing the ideals of mutual respect, dignity, and equality back into our everyday lives by the way we teach each other.” Manners are the grease that keeps society moving along.
In the introduction to Mrs. Post’s 1922 opus, there is an almost eerily prescient passage.
“The polished gentleman of sentimental fiction has so long served as the type of smooth and conscienceless depravity that urbanity of demeanor inspires distrust in ruder minds. On the other hand, the blunt, unpolished hero of melodrama and romantic fiction has lifted brusqueness and pushfulness to a pedestal not wholly merited.”
If only Sarah Palin had brushed up on her Emily Post, she might be Vice President.

Friday, November 7, 2008


Dear Blog,

I'm sorry I've neglected you. We've taken a little trip to Crazytown in the Comer household lo these past few weeks. Although, for once it was not My Crazy that was driving. In fact, My Crazy stayed locked in the trunk duct taped to the spare tire for most of the ride. Whoo-hoo, go me! Although I did succomb to few new pairs of boots, brown patent leather flats, and some clothes. But chile, they is fierce! Mostly, I was in the passenger seat trying to naviagte my husband's crazy away from the edge of the cliff. It seems we have finally found our way back on to the interstate and are sailing along back to Normal (or least our equivilant).

Can I just take a moment to encourage you (okay me really, I know no one reads this) to say it out loud one more time ... President Obama. Yep, still makes me grin. I still find myself getting weepy. It's better than Christmas. There was much crying and laughing and toasting and crying at our house Tuesday night.

Thank you. Thank you to all those folks who struggled and fought to make this happen - those who fought literally and those who fought quietly in thier daily lives to move us just a little bit closer. Those folks who who were turned away from better schools and jobs. From a simple seat on a bus. Thank you to all those folks that despite being spit on and hosed down, they never let bitterness get the better of them. Thank you to my mother in law, who when her son and I - some white girl she didn't know from Eve -needed some where to go ... all she said was "come home". This is for y'all. For our kids. For all of us. Today is little bt better than yesterday.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Mommy Dearest

She asked me did I feel abandoned when she asked me to move out. I lied and told her no. Really the truth lay somewhere in between. I did feel abandoned, but not because she asked me to leave. I had been an ill loved dog tied in her yard so long; the relief of being turned loose was like shaking a stone from a shoe.

And so I left. And my sorrow and indignation were utter and righteous all at once. I have held it, fondled it, examined so many times it’s worn white and smooth like a scar. My prized possession. My battle wound. Trotted out to titillate and disgust like an incision from a particularly gruesome surgery.
I have no interest in forgiveness. I need the scar to remind me of where she used to be. I’ll never have her, but I’ll have the scar from where she used to be. Closing together the two halves of me make me whole.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008


Senator Obama's attacks against Sarah Palin are not sexist. In fact, trying to play it like the big scary black man is beating up on the wee white woamn is more than just a little racist. If Obama can't "play the race card", y'all need to lay off "the gender card".

Let me clue you in on a few things, Republicans.

Never in the hostory of ever have I kissed my boss. Why?

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Because it's sexist.

Not supporting women's access to birth control and oppsosing abortion? Sexist.

You keep using that word. I do not think that it means what you think that it means.